Last Updated on June 4, 2020 by Valinda Riggins Nwadike, MD, MPH
A-HEM! (Prepare yourself: safer sex rant to follow…)
Having heard a lot (a-hem, too much) of this lately, there’s one sexual health myth needing my immediate attention.
Some folks, and, by some, I mean those who are in heterosexual relationships, in particular, believe it is the man’s responsibility to buy condoms or bring them along when they’re interested in some sexy time. To which, I promptly reply, ‘What? You’re kidding, right?!’
That anyone would hold someone else accountable for their safety baffles me. It seems archaic. But, then again, some of the ways we view sexuality and sexual health are archaic, so this shouldn’t really be much of a surprise to me either.
Safer Sex is Everyone’s Responsibility
Simply put, it’s actually a good idea for anyone who is considering engaging in sexual activities to buy condoms, no matter guy or gal.
It is not the sole responsibility of the man to buy condoms. Barriers/condoms/getting tested/talking about risk reduction/etc. is the responsibility of anyone who is planning to have sex.
People need to be prepared to protect themselves from STDs.
Ladies, condoms are the new black!
Women – who are naturally more at risk of contracting an infection – can no longer afford to hear the line,’Oh, sorry, I left them at home.’ That’s a lame excuse for going without protection, people.
Someone has to buy the condoms, even if you’re only going to cut them up and make them into dental dams or finger condoms. If one partner needs a special brand of condoms to deal with a latex or lubricant allergy, then they might take on the major burden of condom purchasing, but there’s no reason why the other partner can’t keep a ready supply of backups handy as well.
Some women may be reluctant to buy condoms because there is a negative stigma that says, ‘women who carry condoms are sluts, promiscuous, or dirty.’ If you are afraid of ‘how it will look’, it’s worth mentioning that several companies are now making fashion-forward condom cases and you can buy all of your protection online in privacy.
Appearances should never be more important than taking care of your health.
Don’t buy into the stigma. Go out there and get your own condom stash, and maybe include a variety so as to accommodate different sizes or preferences, but whatever you do, be prepared… While you’re at it, get a super cute case to carry your new condoms in too!
Better Safe than Sorry
It’s always a good idea to be prepared if you’re thinking about having sex, because your partner might not be. If you assume that they’re going to buy condoms, and then they don’t, you could be faced with a very awkward and unfortunate choice – having unprotected sex that you may end up regretting or not having sex at all.
Deciding to have sex should be something that you do from a place of personal empowerment, which includes the ability to take care of yourself both emotionally and physically.
Remember, anyone who doesn’t respect that choice may not respect you either, and you should think twice about continuing with that person.
So, ladies, make it a priority next time you’re out and about, and pick up some condoms for your secret stash. Safer sex is everyone’s responsibility. Be empowered!
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Did you used to think condoms were the man’s responsibility as well? How do you incorporate accountability into your sexual health and safer sex practices? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!