Last Updated on June 4, 2020 by Valinda Riggins Nwadike, MD, MPH
Women of all shapes and sizes, from all backgrounds, and who identify with all sexual orientations contract STDs, and this interviewee’s story is no different. What’s most remarkable, or maybe more accurately, most disheartening, however, is the similarities in fears one experiences upon initial diagnosis. They are nearly identical in all of those who are diagnosed, regardless of the variety and uniqueness behind their stories resulting in infection.
For women, in particular, one of the most distinct and most common concerns is the fear of being unjustly labeled a slut, a whore, a harlot, trash, or [insert corresponding slur]. The stigma associated with STDs is so severe and so deeply ingrained in our society, at The STI Project, we hear little else.
The good news is: the stigma is wildly inaccurate. Time and time again, we hear about how an STD diagnosis has not hindered relationships, friendships, or aspirations as long as one does not allow it to overtake their goals. This interview echoes that, and is one more reason why the need to share the reality – in an effort to break down those fallacious constructs – is necessary.
So, thank you, participant, as the sharing of your experience will most certainly help someone else work through theirs! Cheers!
1. How old are you?
31
2. What do you do for a living?
Creative Field/Artist
3. What STD do you have/have you had?
Herpes
4. How long have you had or known you have an STD?
9 years
5. Do you know how you contracted this STD?
Quite honestly, I’m not 100 percent sure how I contracted herpes, but I have a pretty good guess.
I’ve never actually had sex with a man but did some fooling around one summer. That SAME summer, I was in my first relationship with a woman and started showing symptoms of the disease about two weeks after we broke up (I had issues with coming out of the closet and thought I could talk myself out of who I truly was). My girlfriend, at the time, had oral herpes, and I believe she was, perhaps, ‘shedding’ at a point when we were intimate, and neither of us knew it.
6. How has your life changed since you contracted an STD?
In the beginning, I was very ashamed and felt very alone.
I was also very angry, because, among all of my friends, I was the least sexually active and hadn’t even made out with anyone until I was, like, 22. I didn’t want to be thought of as a ‘slut’, when, in all actuality, I was very inexperienced and still trying to figure out who I was.
7. Do the people who know you have an STD treat you differently than they treated you before they knew?
Not a lot of people know I have an STD. The ones that do are several close friends and people I have dated. I’ve not been treated differently by anyone, though. It’s been a positive experience regarding other people.
8. Are you currently under treatment for your STD? If so, please share whether you have explored prescription medication, over-the-counter medication, or holistic and natural approaches.
I take Valtrex everyday to combat any outbreaks. My first outbreak was 9 years ago, and I don’t believe I’ve had one since. There have been several stressful times in my life when I’ve thought, perhaps, an outbreak was starting, and I would simply remain abstinent during that time period.
9. Has having an STD hindered past relationships?
When my first girlfriend and I got back together (after I accepted the fact I was gay), there was no issue at all. Since then, it has only hindered one relationship. That partner ended up accepting me in the end, though.
10. Do you have a significant other? If so, how has this STD affected your partner?
It’s complicated, but I’ve have been with the same person for the last (almost) 6 years. Since I’ve not had a full-blown outbreak since 2004, it hasn’t really affected us. During any time I feel extremely stressed or like something isn’t right, we aren’t intimate.
11. Have you been sexually active with someone since contracting an STD whom you did not tell you had an STD?
I regret saying that, yes, I have. I didn’t go ‘all the way’ with the person, but I know now (and didn’t at the time) that the disease can be passed on through skin-to-skin contact. So, I did, in fact, put them at risk.
12. How have you changed as a result of contracting an STD?
I’ve become more understanding toward others with STDs and no longer just write them off as ‘loose’. It’s made me less judgmental.
13. Why are you choosing to participate in this interview and/or is there anything else you would like to share with The STI Project?
I figured I might be able to help someone else with their experience.
There really is no reason to be ashamed, go into hiding, or feel alone.
Can you relate to this interviewee? Did it help you to read someone else’s story? Have you experienced something similar or do you have some feedback to share with this individual? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!
