Last Updated on June 4, 2020 by Saurabh Sethi, MD, MPH
This STD Interview is sponsored by National HRT, the top-rated hormone replacement clinic in the US. Contact National HRT to get more information about hormone replacement treatment and other options available through their clinic.
This interview. Ohmygosh. Every so often someone sends us an interview anonymously, and it’s all I can do not to respond and engage in a dialogue. By design, the interview templates are a place for folks to share their stories without my feedback, and I work very hard to keep it as an avenue for cathartic, anonymous, sharing and airing, if you will. But every so often, it’s hard not to respond. This was one of those interviews.
First, interviewee, we’re SO glad you came here to vent. Personally, I have transmitted herpes to a partner (not a husband, technically, although I am married now – 2 years – and we both know it could happen one day). Short story is that it definitely sucked when it happened, but maybe I was really lucky; I didn’t face a lot of blame or shame… Not a lot, anyways. So, your experience might be more of the exception and not the rule, but I’d be really interested in hearing from others with similar experiences.
Anyways, after reading your story, I can’t help but wonder if you’re getting blamed because he knows he gave it to you?! You mention that you were tested when you were pregnant, and there was no discussion of HSV2 then, so why are you certain that you gave it to him? I am sure there are details that I am missing here, and without that information, I certainly don’t want to draw finite conclusions, but something seems awry. Maybe I won’t be alone in reading this and thinking, ‘something is not adding up?’ The immense hate and cruelty you’re facing, from your own husband, feels horribly misplaced, unnecessary, and yes, downright AWFUL.
1. How old are you?
36
2. What do you do for a living?
Self-employed
3. What STI/STD do you have/have you had?
HSV2
4. How long have you had or known you have an STI/STD?
4 months
5. Do you know how you contracted this STI/STD?
No.
6. How has your life changed since you contracted an STI/STD?
Life is AWFUL now.
I unknowingly had the virus (never had one single symptom) and kindly shared it with my husband, 3 years into our marriage. We had plenty of sex for 3 years, and all of a sudden he gets blisters on his penis and LIFE is AWFUL now.
He hates hates hates me and resents me “giving him herpes,” and I am absolutely at a loss at what to do. We get along sometimes, but sure enough, life happens, and then anger and resentment come pouring out again.
He thought I had cheated (of course, after 3 years, something pops up, who wouldn’t), but I DIDN’T. So it was just the most awful feeling trying to get him to believe me that I was not unfaithful. Anyways, I think my gyno knew, because I got tested while pregnant, and we were both in the room, and she did not say “you have genital herpes” nor did she give me any special meds for the birth, so it never crossed our minds.
I was definitely very irresponsibly sexually active before I was married.
Your website is helpful, but I don’t know that there is anything I can do in this very particular and uncomfortable situation. Oh and OF COURSE he has symptoms left and right, and they’re VERY painful according to him sooooo… There’s that reminder of how much I suck and how sorry he is he ever got involved with me. 🙁
7. Do the people who know you have an STI/STD treat you differently than they treated you before they knew?
No one knows we have it, other than my sister.
8. Are you currently under treatment for your STI/STD? If so, please share whether you have explored prescription medication, over-the-counter medication, or holistic and natural approaches.
No treatment for me (no symptoms).
9. Has having an STI/STD hindered past relationships?
It’s hindering the holy heck out of my marriage.
10. Do you have a significant other? If so, how has this STI/STD affected your partner?
Yes; destroyed(ing) it.
11. Have you been sexually active with someone since contracting an STI/STD whom you did not tell you had an STI/STD?
No.
12. How have you changed as a result of contracting an STI/STD?
Guilt. Worry. Regret. I’m constantly defensive now toward my husband, sometimes furious because he is there, and it’s not 100% my fault.
13. Why are you choosing to participate in this interview and/or is there anything else you would like to share with us?
Because I need guidance and advice and a chance to talk to anyone else in my situation!!! Is anyone here married and gave it to their partner unknowingly?!?!?! What did they do?? It’s been 4-5 months of an emotional roller-coaster hell.
I’m thinking we probably need therapy, but a therapist isn’t going to help him forgive/accept the situation. *sigh* Thank you for the website and a private opportunity to vent!!!
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This STD Interview is sponsored by National HRT, the top-rated hormone replacement clinic in the US. Contact National HRT to get more information about hormone replacement treatment and other options available through their clinic. National HRT provides today’s active and busy adults with a safe place to go for hormone replacement. Options are available to anyone interested in replacement hormones or concerned about declining essential hormone levels.
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Can you relate to this interviewee? Did it help you to read someone else’s story? Have you experienced something similar or do you have some feedback to share with this individual? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!
