Last Updated on June 4, 2020 by Shuvani Sanyal, MD
This guest post was written by P. Nickle who loves someone who has an STD – The STI Project’s admin, Jenelle Marie.
Gentlemen, I’m going to give it to you straight, finding out your potential girlfriend or significant other has an STD is kind of a shocker.
I’m not about to try and sugar coat or simplify the decisions you are going to have to make about continuing the relationship. There are many, and not all of them will be easy ones to make. But, rest assured, with a little background knowledge, and some research of your own, you will be better equipped to tackle those questions.
The STD Reality
Let’s be real. As men, the question always pops into our brains. What if this woman has an STD? Is she going to tell me about it, or am I just going to have to kick back and wait for blisters to start showing up on my junk?
Honestly, in a healthy relationship, intimacy should be talked about before you engage in sexual activities, not after the fact, or while you are taking your clothes off. For me, the talk – after the fact – my girlfriend at the time, and still current, called me up and said we need to talk. Instantly, my mind started going a mile a minute: is she pregnant, was I terrible in bed, does she have an STD? In this case my prize was behind door number 3: she had an STD, herpes, to be exact.
Truth be told, I was kind of relieved. No kids on the way, and no, I do not suck in bed.
Okay, so now what do I do? First and foremost, I had to decide if ‘the juice was worth the squeeze’, as I like to refer to it as, or in laymen’s terms, is this woman worth continuing a relationship with now that I know she has an STD?
Guys/Gals, do some thinking and research on this one.
Find out as much information as you can on the STD in question and get the facts from your significant other. Ask them, do you have break outs, where are they and how often do you get them? Most importantly, what steps can we, as a couple, take to minimize the risks of contracting/transmitting the STD to each other?
Finally, do some research on your own about the STD in question and get the facts. DO NOT just settle for his/her side of the story and what they tell you. I stress this last point, because more often than not, there are three sides to any dilemma, theirs, yours, and the facts.
Now, all of that being said, you still have to ask yourself, knowing what I know, and knowing the facts, can I still love this person and not have their STD affect the way I feel about them? If that answer is yes, then bravo, you passed the hardest part of your STD test.
If you are still unsure how this STD could get in the way of your relationship, then take some time and think about how you really feel about that person. Ask yourself:
- Could I one day love this person?
- Can we still be intimate and see where the relationship goes?
Or, if you just don’t want to risk it, then tell them and be done with it. Better to do it early on, rather than just putting the STD in question on the back-burner till later, which, only makes it harder when, months from now, you decide you just don’t want to deal with the risk of contracting an STD.
Overall, my experience in a relationship with someone who has an STD has been fantastic. I know how to manage her outbreaks and minimize the risk to myself of contracting said herpes.
The STD does not hinder our sex lives, nor do we let it define our relationship.
That being said, don’t let an STD define your relationship. Figure out if you can have a healthy relationship with that person, then tackle the STD part.
In short, the juice was well worth the squeeze.
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This guest post was written by P. Nickle who loves someone who has an STD – The STI Project’s admin, Jenelle Marie. P. Nickle has a BA in Business and is currently working on his Masters in Criminal Justice and Psychology. He served in the United States Air Force and is a veteran of both Iraq and Afghanistan. He believes he has always had an open mind, an open heart, and he welcomes all walks of life regardless of sexuality, creed, or race. He is looking forward to sharing his views, knowledge, and experiences with STDs with you guys, our audience. He encourages all comments and questions.
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Are you also in a relationship with someone with an STD? What did you think about the author’s perspective? Did this help you work through your feelings? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!